You know you're in business school when...

You see something like this in the bathroom stall:



Right now, I'm whatching Superman II (don't make that face, I took a midterm today). Among the many plot holes, I find these the most amusing:

1. When Louis Lane "falls in love" with Clark, why is it that he NEEDS to give up his super powers? Why can't he just be Superman and screw around with Louis on the side? He already got the girl, it's a win-win!
2. Why is it that the ice fortress is so far away and hidden that only Superman can get there. Yet, when he and Louis leave, they somehow are able to make it back to the US in a beater car with no problem?
3. When Superman is still Superman, he's nice and would never get into a fight with anyone. But, when he is reduced to merely mortal, the first thing he does is get into a fight with a trucker. WTF?
4. When the gruesome threesome take over the world (aka the U.S.) they go to the white house to find the "leader". Where do they find him? In the freaking oval office. Isn't that like wearing a gold Rolex at a pick pocket convention?
5. What are the chances that Jorel would put his only son into a space ship, then blast it off and have it land light years away on Earth. Then, have the same guy encarcerate three nasty thugs in a window and send them off to the same planet as his only son? I don't think so.
6. Han shot first.

My last observation is this: why are there so many mothers with newborns in basonets walking around just waiting for huge objects to fall on them? Are they just stupid? Comcastic? Both?

Ist gut fur consumerism

I really want an "Ist Gut Fur Sie" tshirt.

And yes, I'm aware that I forgot the umlaut. I don't know how to type it.

Rare form

Jamie, had you stuck around last night you would have witnessed a drunken stuper that I haven't had in several months. Eight Fat Weasel Ales from Trader Joe's do a fine job of making you forget taking pictures of your wife's cleavage from across the room.

Michigan Becky was here and witnessed the stampede of 5 people that left our apartment soon after it became evident that I was done. With time they'll learn that the party goes on even when I do not.

I said god damn!

So, how 'bout them Cats?

Random Thoughts

So, today I was listening to my MP3 player (Thanks Jamie). I heard three songs in a row that remind me very strongly of particular people and places, even though they really are odd.
Your Song - Elton John : Reminds me of my wedding
Purple Rain - Prince : Reminds me of a strip club and my friends from Michigan, especially Lindsay
Political Science - Randy Newman : Reminds me of Andrik.

Here's the random part: this song is about blowing up the entire world. Why do you think it reminds me of Andrik? And do you have any songs that are completely random that remind of you something?

Tired of that old post....

I'm going to share something very interesting.
Jen and I lose spoons.

I know, I know. How could this happen, you are asking yourself. Well, I don't know why or how, but we lose spoons. It has been happening for at least a couple of years. When we were in Dearborn, we actually had to go out and buy a new set of dinnerware because we were down to just a few spoons. We kidded that our upstairs neighbor, Angie, would come into our apartment and take our spoons.

Well, Angie is no longer our neighbor, but we are still losing spoons. I think we are down to about 10. Ten spoons may seem like a lot for two people. But you don't realize Jen's amazing ability to use six or seven spoons while cooking mac&cheese. For the first couple of months when we moved back to E-town, we always had plenty of spoons in the drawer, even when many were dirty. Now, I have to pull them out of the drainer because we don't have enough.

I don't really use spoons very much. My theory is that Jen is a closet somnambulist and buries spoons in the back yard while I peacefully slumber. To think that she laughed when I told her my theory!

She can't prove she doesn't do it.

Andrik and Beanie, Internet Celebrities

Fresh off the internet, courtesy of Ross Hays:

http://www.i-mockery.com/cards/card_details.php?cid=37

Enjoy.

The Government Says It's Official

I think it is infinitely cool that my dad just got his invention patented. Now I have an official crazy white haired inventor in the family. Go us.

Burnout

Anyone else want one of these?

Life imitates "Office Space"

Last week I found myself the subject of an ethics complaint at work. I made a few comments in the hallway about wanting to kill our accounts payable coordinator because she hadn't processed any of my expense reports. At the time I had a $1300 corporate credit bill due and was owed more than $1500 by the company. We still follow an antiquated expense reporting process (all paper, nothing automated) and I had been waiting for reimbursement for more than a month.

Think back to how many times you've said you wanted to kill someone. Have you ever really meant it? (Little Faber notwithstanding.) So you can imagine my surprise when I got called into the office of our assistant general counsel a few days later. She was extremely pleasant and professional, and after confirming that I wasn't packing an Uzi and intending to make good on my threat, she dismissed the complaint immediately. She even confessed it was one of the "lamer" ethics complaints she's handled (most of them revolve around sexual harrassment or kiddie porn on computers.)

So my record is officially still clean, but my takeaway from the experience is to make threats that are more ambiguous in the future ("I would like some kind of nonspecific misfortune to befall our accounts payable coordinator.") Now I keep wondering: do I give off some kind of creepy he's-going-to-shoot-everyone vibe? Be honest.

Out of curiosity, where do all the little platitudes under the blog title come from? Is there some kind of random generator that puts them there, or is Beanie writing them all?

I didn't need that skin anyway

So, last weekend, we hung out with Jamie Yeh and the Lockards to watch the Fleet Week airshow and get buzzed by the Blue Angels. A good time was had by all, but more importantly, a good sunburn was had by me.

And now my face is peeling.

I blame you, Jen. We were with your friends, after all.

On the plus side, I did get a darn good burrito out of it...

Does acapella mean "not capella"?

Last night we went to the annual Best of the Midwest concert. Some things have changed since we were last here concerning this concert. I remember that Asterik hosted it, now it is hosted by Purple Haze. As it turned out, Purple Haze is quite a bit better than I remembered it being. Regardless of being on their home turf, they had several characteristics that set it apart from the other groups:

1. It was the largest group, numbers wise
2. It was the largest group, weight wise (deduced from #1)
3. It was the whitest group (I felt the urge to slice some cheese)
4. It had the largest number of tall, lanky dudes
5. It had its very own 5-foot-tall 15 year old (complete with plastic wristwatch)
6. It had the best vocal range and harmony of any group*
7. It had the most hot chicks
   

* This comment is based on untrained ears that do not have the general ability to differentiate between a b flat and a c sharp. Also, I can't sing.

My favorite person in the acapella group is always the vocal percussionist. This is because I think he has the hardest job. I say "he" because I've never seen or heard of a female doing this. He's like the drummer for a rock band. He has to keep the rythm, the tempo, the pace even. And it's not easy to make all those instrument-like noises with just flesh and bone. If I had any singing talent, I would have run away and joined an acapella group as a vocal percussionist as a kid.

What really surprised me last night was the vocal percussionist from the U of M group Amazin' Blue (their songs were as modest as their name). Anyway, the percussionist's cheeks actually had muscle definition. When he clenched to make a sound, you could see his cheek muscles. It was both impressive and creepy at the same time.

Going back to Porple Haze - they went on last, of course. Their second song featured a freshman who seemed to be personal best friends with half the audience (75% of those under 25). The three girls sitting immediately behind us all wanted to mother his baby - simultaneously. So, this guy sings a good song. Then, they introduce the next song and who is the lead? The same freshman? NO, it's the 15 year old! When he stepped up, some people actually chuckled. He was shorter than all the girls. Well, the 15 yr old showed the chucklers. He sang a very impressive rendition of "Desperado" that brought the house down. It was followed by an on-stage kiss from one of the girls in the group (on the cheek). That little guy's stock skyrocketed last night. It's nice to see the pimple-faced kids come out on top once in a while.

I have to say that my favorite song last night was Purple Haze's rendition of Robbie William's "Rock DJ". It had choreography and everything. It was the last song of the night, and it made me leave Cahn in a pretty good mood.

Well worth the $10 for an evening of entertainment.

Race Goodies

So all these crazy races and triathlons I do give out goody bags to the participants. Usually, they are filled with all kinds of promos and ads for expensive sporty stuff ("10 cents off your next pair of $500 running shoes at Fleet Feet" or "5 minute sports massage for $90"), some non-food (Cliff bars or Gu) and a toothbrush (there's this one dentist in the South Bay that gets his toothbrushes into every bag).

The toothbrush has proved to be the most useful item for me, as I routinely forget to bring one when I pack my tri-bag for the hotel the night before the race. Recently, the bags have been carrying mini Degree antiperspirants -- very useful post-race, but I wonder why it took so long to realize that sports events are so stinky.

But I must say, the best race goody I have gotten was not something I could take home with me (legally, anyway). It was this:




Bagpipers and a band of musketeers at the beginning of the race. Priceless. It set the tone for a fantastic day (with no sinus marshmallows in attendance). I had a great .9 mile swim amidst the sea lions around the Santa Cruz pier, a ridiculously fast 25 mile bike ride up Highway 1, and a slow, but not too painful 6 mile run along the ocean cliffs. Oh yeah, there was a naked guy on the run course too: plain as day walking out of the ocean below the cliff, with hundreds of tired runners looking down at him from above.

Sleeping Around

I have to say, as much as I love traveling, this whole college roadshow experience has made me glad I don't do this full-time. All the time being away from home and the office starts to add up. The upside to traveling to wretched college towns is, of course, wretched hotels. A few notes from the road:

Holiday Inn Express, Madison, Wis.: The winner of the coveted "Editor's Pick" for most habitable hotel., Holiday Inn Express offers cinnamon-scented shampoo, an ironing board and a scrumptious continental breakfast. Two thumbs up!

Ramada Limited, Champaign, Ill.: When they say "limited" they aren't kidding - this place is a shell of a Ramada, which isn't much of a hotel to begin with. Thin curtains (on my second stay, I actually brought some tape and taped the two curtains together, to block out the daylight), moldy air conditioners and a little note that reminds you if you want clean sheets, please call the front desk.

Edge of Night Motel, Antigo, Wis.: This one takes the cake. In 24 (almost 25) years, I've never actually stayed in a hotel with a Magic Fingers vibrating bed. It's not as spectacular as TV would have you believe - the vibrating is actually pretty slight (of course I tried it out.) Other amenities include a swimming pool with a charming green algae motif, dark brown shag carpeting that feels like yarn, and - I hope you're taking notes, Mr. Zagat - COLOR TV. Which is prominently advertised on the hotel's marquee.

Next up - a third (!) visit to the Ramada Limited Champaign, followed by a stint at the fabulous Comfort Inn Knoxville West. I've heard the Comfort Inn gives you a shower cap. Stay tuned.

It's a hum-drum day by the lake

So, today I was walking along the lakefill talking on the phone, when a little kid on a bicycle caught my eye. He was maybe 10-12 years old. He was standing over his bike at the spot where dumb people throw bread to the mutant fish in the pool by Norris.
He was wearing a big safety helmet for riding his bike. What caught my attention was that he was looking over the rail and yelling at the ducks paddling around beneath him. What was he yelling, you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked that because it brings me to my next sentence: he was yelling "Afflack!" at the ducks. I'm sure they didn't think it was as amusing as he did.

Duck #1: "You'd think that at Northwestern, there would be more intelligent people."
Duck #2: "Hey kid, shut up and throw some tasty sliced white sandwich bread like your momma used to!"

He looked at me as I approached him, and written on his shirt were the words that explained everything:

"I am multi-talented"