It's a hum-drum day by the lake

So, today I was walking along the lakefill talking on the phone, when a little kid on a bicycle caught my eye. He was maybe 10-12 years old. He was standing over his bike at the spot where dumb people throw bread to the mutant fish in the pool by Norris.
He was wearing a big safety helmet for riding his bike. What caught my attention was that he was looking over the rail and yelling at the ducks paddling around beneath him. What was he yelling, you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked that because it brings me to my next sentence: he was yelling "Afflack!" at the ducks. I'm sure they didn't think it was as amusing as he did.

Duck #1: "You'd think that at Northwestern, there would be more intelligent people."
Duck #2: "Hey kid, shut up and throw some tasty sliced white sandwich bread like your momma used to!"

He looked at me as I approached him, and written on his shirt were the words that explained everything:

"I am multi-talented"